A/N: Let me preface this with the fact that I seriously suck and I’m honestly so sorry. I got this request ages ago but I never had time to finish it and when I’d attempted the first couple of times, it came out like rubbish and I owe you more than a half-assed scenario since you took the time to even request anything at all. I honestly feel so horrible about it. Anon, I hope you’re still out there and I hope you like this. Enjoy! ^^
He kept his hands wrapped firmly around his cup as he sat towards the back of the café. The weather had become quite cold as of late which made his hat and scarf, obvious giveaways during the warm weather, merely blend in with the crowd. He needed this right now. Sticking out was what led him to be sitting here alone, clutching a cup of hot chocolate as he stared at nothing in particular trying not to break down in front of everyone there. He honestly didn’t care for the stuff but she loved it and he loved her so he’d drink it all the time rather than coffee.
“You know that coffee is really bad for you,” she had said, adding yet another packet of sugar to her already sweetened hot chocolate, “Chocolate doesn’t harm anybody.”
He couldn’t help but smile at her expression once she’d taken the first sip of her highly sweetened drink. Her eyes closed and lips pursed trying to savor the flavor of it for as long as possible. The sky was chockablock with clouds, pregnant with rain, leaving the dimly lit café rather dark. A single lamp hanging above their heads illuminated her soft features making her appear almost angelic. He couldn’t resist. He had to lean over the table and kiss her. She blinked her eyes open in surprise as he shyly looked away from her. Out of the corner of his eye, however, he saw a smile cross her face as a blush crept over her cheeks.
The memory stung. He looked across the table at the empty seat where she would’ve sat and been carefully watching him as she often did when he was silent for a long period of time. This was his girlfriend: she never prodded or poked. She just sat back and waited for him to say whatever it was himself.
“Yah,” his manager sat across from him in the empty seat. He scowled. His presence instead of hers felt somewhat wrong. “Are you alright?”
He sighed. “Define alright. I probably won’t fit the criteria.”
“You should’ve seen this coming. There is a strict rule— there’s always been a strict rule— against dating within the company. You’re lucky you two were able to pass this off as a baseless rumor or you’d both be toast.”
“I know,” he said softly, “I didn’t think any of this would happen.”
“You got caught up in the moment,” he placed a hand on his shoulder, “But it’s better this way. For everyone.”
Just then the barista called him over to pick up his order and his manager left him alone at the table. He felt like hiding, honestly. He wanted to stay holed up in his dorm and just stay there for a long time to feel sorry about himself. But he couldn’t. He was an idol. A puppet whose master was the people. He truly didn’t have a choice. He didn’t have the choice of what emotions he could have outside of closed doors. He didn’t have the choice of who he could be with, what he could say, what he could do, what he could wear. Nothing. And that’s why he lost her.
He perked up a little in his seat when he heard her voice. They were playing her group’s new song. It was a soft ballad with acoustic guitar playing throughout. They sang to lovers they’d been separated from. The song had come out a few weeks before the whole ordeal. He laughed mirthlessly at the coincidence of it all. Closing his eyes, he focused only on her voice, thinking back on all the memories.
She was singing then too when they’d first met. They were the brand new group, the president’s new project, and he spoke so highly of them but not a single person in the company knew a thing about these girls. His group, along with his other label mates, had been front row during their debut showcase. They walked onstage, one by one, she being last. They were all pretty, this he remembers well, but she was beautiful. She shone brighter than the other girls and all she’d done was show up. Then she started singing. Her voice was perfect. Everything you’d want in a main vocalist, she had it. It blended and flowed together with the other members effortlessly while still demanding to be heard. That’s what caught his attention. He had to meet her.
Now of course this should be an easy feat for someone at his level. He could barely go anywhere without someone asking for an autograph or a picture. Being a respected group in the industry, he was sure she’d be more than wiling to spark up a conversation with him. When he saw her coming out, he gave her a smile but she only curtly bowed and continued on her path. He was dumbstruck. She just completely blew him off. And she continued to do so for a few months before one day he cornered her. The building had been mostly empty, everyone having had gone home. He wandered through the halls of the building aimlessly when one door caught his attention. It was dimly lit and was no different from any of the other rooms along this way but the familiar voice from inside made him come closer. There she was, singing along to one of his group’s songs.
“So you don’t hate us, then?” he asked causing her to jump in surprise
She swore softly under her breath. “I have to go now.”
He quickly blocked the exit so she couldn’t run away from him this time. He was tired of playing cat and mouse. “Why do you avoid me all the time?”
“Did I do something wrong?”
“No!” she says almost immediately, “No, you’ve done nothing wrong.”
“Then what is it?” he tried to look into her eyes but she wouldn’t keep her gaze on him long enough
“It doesn’t matter,” she mumbles under her breath trying to get past him but failing
“Then tell me. We both work under the same company so we should get along well, right?”
She sighed when she finally let him catch her eyes. “You shouldn’t look at me like that.”
His brows furrowed in confusion. “Like what?”
“Like how you were staring at me during the showcase,” she says trying to gather her thoughts, “No one… has ever looked at me like that.”
A coy smile makes it’s way onto his face. “I can’t look at you any other way though.”
She blushed furiously but shook her hair onto her face to try and cover it. “I don’t want to start any trouble. We’re only rookies. I can’t ruin it for the whole group just because I have feelings for you.”
His eyes widened slightly. “You have feelings for me?”
She mentally slapped herself on the forehead. “You weren’t supposed to know that.”
Just then he kissed her. It caught her completely off guard, but in a pleasant way, and she found herself kissing him back. “Who says the whole world has to know?”
Those 8 words were the beginning of this whole mess. But it was a blissful mess. A mess full of some of the sweetest memories he could’ve ever hoped for. This was the girl he was meant to be with. She was perfect for him; the piece that completed him. He couldn’t understand why he was the only one who understood that.
When it finally ended, it was by neither of their consensus. Not even in the slightest. He spent a lot of time replaying the moment they’d gotten found out and all the ways he could’ve stopped it. He blamed himself for it. He blamed himself for everything.
He was careless. Though she’d adamantly protested, he somehow had convinced her to go out to this little spot he’d found where they could see the stars without the competing light of the city in their way.
“I don’t want go,” she had said crossing her
He pouted. “Why not?”
“It’s late! And it’s cold. If I’m half asleep during our radio interview and sniffling all through it too, my manager will kill me.”
“Please!” he put on his most persuasive voice, “I promise that you won’t get sick and I’ll make sure you get enough sleep for your interview tomorrow.”
Pleading and whining finally made her give in and there they were in a cab to his special spot. They’d only ever get to visit it once. The next day, he’d awoken with a smile at the memory of their previous night out. He didn’t have a schedule that day so he’d gotten up a lot later than he usually would’ve. He headed out to the kitchen, turning on a kettle to boil some hot water. He went onto the website of the radio station her group was on to watch the live feed and settled with a mug and a packet of hot chocolate (he’d drink coffee but she could usually smell it on his breath and she was supposed to be coming over after the interview).
He listened to the interview attentively, chuckling at the funny bits and feeling a bit peeved at the radio host who kept flirting with her though she probably didn’t notice. It was going very well until the MC made the big reveal.
“Uh oh,” the MC looked over a piece of paper that someone had handed him, “It looks like your main vocalist has gotten herself mixed up in a scandal.”
He quickly flipped back to the open tab that the feed was streaming from as the MC continued. “Pictures have come out of you and a fellow label mate in a taxi and sparked dating rumors. Do you have anything to say?”
And that was it. He went onto every portal site and they were the top search. The pictures of her fast asleep on his chest were all over the place. That damn taxi driver must’ve taken them when he wasn’t paying attention. Now there were anti-fan cafes filling up quickly by the hour and death threats to the girl who “seduced their innocent oppa.” He’d pretty much gotten out unscathed and she was taking all the heat. The president wouldn’t have this. This was his prized group, the one he’d been training to be #1 for years now. And so he ended it. He was a very powerful man, that way. He could just claim it wasn’t true, give some semi-believable proof and that’d be that. She was forgiven and, for the most part, people believed there had been nothing going on at all. It all went back to normal but they were officially over. Until the day one of their groups disbands, they weren’t to be together.
As the song came to an end and he pulled himself away from his painful thoughts, he felt something wet on his face. He touched it slowly, pulling them away to affirm that it was tears. He was crying. He promised he wouldn’t cry. At least for her sake.
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